“So how is the whole directing thing going?” My father’s voice echoes through the phone. I sit in my chair silent for almost a minute trying to find the right words. “Well it’s… interesting.” I replied. After just getting off the phone with him before writing this, I still have no clue how I feel. There are so many emotions swimming through my mind, all the thoughts of tonight’s rehearsal are right at the forefront, and the anticipation, anxiety, and nervousness of our director’s return neatly fill all the gaps.
Trust me there are a lot of thing about directing that rub me the wrong way. For example, you should see our conflict’s list. it is riddled with colored blocks representing an actor’s conflict that I have to work around. They best way to describe it is if you took a bunch of Tetris pieces and smashed them all together into an overlapping mass. It is so hard finding times to rehearse with college students. You have to be aware of extracurricular, night classes, Vespers, and work schedules while also allowing the actors to have enough time to get any school work done. But we are finding a way. I haven’t heard about any of my actors failing, yet. So I have hope.
It’s not only the actors who drive me crazy, trust me, I do that enough myself. My script binder is a unidentifiable mess with sticky notes flayed out around the perimeter and pencil marks all over the pages. I am not an organized person. Another thing that I find myself doing is second guessing myself when it comes to blocking and interpretation, and I can tell that this drains my actors. I feel terrible when I say, “I know I told you to do this, but try it this way instead.”
Being a director is hard. You have to deal with a lot of things that stack up the stress higher and heaver until you feel like Atlas holding up the heavens. It takes strength and determination to hold everything aloft and to still maintain a composure. I’m feeling the pressure but I will stand strong.