I noticed something when I stepped foot onstage to begin my first scene in the play. I noticed that I was a bit restricted. The feeling was bizarre.

I find difficulty in the expression of it, ultimately. But I think my faltering feeling can be boiled down to one simple problem that I have onstage: energy.

I was mainly onstage and in front of larger audiences for the past couple years as a result of being in my school’s jazz band. Being onstage with the jazz band is remarkably different. I can mess around and laugh and have some fun, then shred some crazy saxophone solo and impress people (who don’t understand how easy it really is).

Theatre is entirely foreign in that regard. Onstage, a certain consistency must be held. Breaking the consistency is detrimental to the scene, thereby lessening the emotional connection to the audience.

My energy in jazz band is funneled into my performance of the piece and the subsequent solos. My energy in theatre is focused on character and presence.

At the beginning of rehearsal today, I felt like my energy was slipping. Lester even pointed it out during notes. Fortunately, I appeared to have more energy as the show progressed. However, the energy wasn’t noticeable to me.

I feel as though I need to consistently work on my energy while onstage.

Despite my participation in theatre during high school, I feel as though my energy onstage has always been diminished. I can’t put my finger on why exactly I hold back a bit, but I will seek the answer so that I might fully commit energy to being an actor (when I need to be).

The first step to solving a problem such as this lies in the identification that a problem exists in the first place. My determination to improve will carry me through and allow me to unlock that energy that I need.

I want to be a good actor. I think I took a step in the right direction for that today.